Things I've Learned

I've become aware of quite a few things these past five months.

For one, I'm terrible at keeping a blog. Like, seriously, it's been five months. I'm kind of ashamed, actually, because I swear I told myself at the beginning of the summer that I would become a more regular blogger.

That shows how good I am at keeping my promises to myself.

And honestly, that's part of the reason I'm even writing this blog. I'm terrible at going through with what I set out to do: whether it's graduation from the same high school I started at (big fat nope for that one), getting into my dream college (also a no, though I'm so glad I go to APU instead), or getting an A in a class I'm perfectly capable of getting an A in (seriously, I got a C in Pub Comm), I'm abysmal in the realm of putting forth the effort it takes to succeed. But I want to change that.

See, this semester has been a semester of serious growth, revelation, and intense stress. I've felt overwhelmed, under-prepared, and overbooked for the majority of these past five months, but this has also brought me into a growth that I didn't and couldn't foresee when I was blogging about my excitement for alpha training in July. I've learned so much about God and his love for me and his people, I've learned about his sovereignty and his plans, and I've learned something that's been huge for me:

God has made us passionate humans for a reason.

God has made us passionate, restless, hungry humans that desire so much more than this world has to offer and that's okay. It's okay to want to do something more than just get a good job and make a lot of money. It's okay to want to pursue something that might not pay off all your college debt. It's okay to love, and create, and cherish life without fear.

I want to do that, I want to live out this passionate, wanderlusting human that God has crafted me into being. I don't want to be scared by society or taxes or money or my college debt. I want to be free to live in this passion that God has given me, and I want to live in it fully. I want to pursue joy, and not fear the hardships that are sure to come of it.

And I want to be a writer.

Which is huge, because I don't think I've ever been able to truly admit that. Being a writer isn't safe, it doesn't pay the bills regularly. Being a writer isn't an easy way to skate through life. There are no hours, there is no security, there is no minimum wage. Being a writer is daring, and risking, and fulfilling. I want to feel fulfilled, passionate, and in love with my work every single day. I've come to the conclusion that this is the only way to do it.

And no, I'm not naive. I know this isn't a fantasy world and I still live on this side of heaven. Clearly, I will have to have a job that pays bills. Clearly, I will have to be able to support myself financially in some way. Clearly, I will need some sort of responsibility. But I'm leaving that part up to God. I'm praying that God will put a career or job that can support me that I will love in my path that will still allow me to pursue fully my passion.

It's a tall order, and it's not going to be an easy road from here, but I want to do this. I'm yearning to do this. I'm not good at keeping promises to myself, but maybe I can keep a promise that I make to the entirety of the internet. 

So here goes nothing. 

... Oh, and also, I promise I'll blog more regularly. Or maybe not.

Until next time!